Believing in Good Enough

Sometimes I feel defeated (read: since I've been back in school), and I have to remind myself that the fact that I am still moving is good and enough. The fact that I am hoping to believe is good enough. I have high expectations of myself, and it's hard to accept that I can be imperfect but still working to achieve excellence at the same time. I can't always make it to class, or take midterms on time or fully prepared. Not all of my assignments will be turned in on time (some.. many.. won't be turned in at all). And I wonder, "where is the line between excuses and doing my best?" So often, I feel alone and insecure. Here's what I've realized this morning: 
When I take God literally and allow him to heal the way that I see myself and others, then I realize God isn't asking me for perfection and superhuman ability- he's asking me for faith.

He is asking me to believe him. He is asking me to remember who I am and to have faith in what I can accomplish by his power, and what he has promised me is mine. He's reminding me that there is no limit to what I can be and do other than my own fears and expectations.

He is asking me to love myself and to see myself with the same tenderness and love that he sees me. He is asking me to see my talents and my person the way that he does.

He knows I will be imperfect and that I will not be my best especially at the beginning of this journey.

He knows that I don't have all of the information and habits right now.

He knows that sometimes I choose to eat a chocolate muffin and take a long bath instead of working on an assignment, going to class, and doing my laundry. 

He knows I am overwhelmed and faithless, and scared, and need to remember to BREATHE.

He knows how small I feel and how overwhelming the tasks before me seem.

He knows I feel alone.

He also knows that I can't do what he is asking of me alone.

And that's what he is trying to remind me. He never asked me to walk this path alone; he asked me to walk this path with faith and with hope. The kind of hope that brings brightness into my vision and which elevates my vision. He just wants me to see the light, and have faith in its power. And then he wants me to learn to ask for that power to change me. 
I think this is always the root of my struggle. When I remember who I am and the power that is available to me, I feel secure and safe. I've seen his miracles and I know his power is real. And I achieve amazing things that I can't take credit for, and that's the plan. It's so beautiful.

It's when I forget to reach and recall that I begin to sink. I think of Peter's experience with these principles. "He defied science by walking on water toward the savior, and then lost faith and that's when he sank into the water" said one general authority, and I'm paraphrasing. 
That's exactly the pattern I see in my life. Sometimes it is simultaneous as the miracles occur that I begin to falter.

I know I can't keep it up or do anything greater. I know my own weaknesses, and I, because of my focus on them, I want to give up hope and I lose the power. But the miracle is evidence of God's power and love, so how does this happen? Even as the savior is blessing and buoying me up, and showing me what he can make me, I forget to give him the credit and to believe in his power.

What I realize today is that I just need to recognize and feel gratitude for God's mercy and the savior's atonement and allow them to magnify my vision of myself in God's plan. I need to trust God and believe in Christ. My prayer is to learn to believe more fully in order to have greater access to God's power in my life.