This morning I wanted to go to the Provo City Center Temple with Alina and Kelton. It was a dark and drizzly day, and beautifully green in the hills and the grass. It was a little reminiscent of Oregon. It felt like the perfect day to go to the temple. Especially because it has been a long time since I have been. The need to go was surfacing in my prayers and Sunday worship, and I felt a profound longing in my heart this morning.
Several wedding parties were gathering about the temple as we drove past toward the lower parking lot. This observation felt sweet and hopeful (for the parties involved) to me today. Alina noticed while we were seeking parking (which we found easily because a sweet old couple hurried out of their space for us) that the garage held no empty spaces. She remarked, “Mommy, how are we going to find parking with so many people here? There’s nowhere to park.” As I considered all I was seeing along our way, I pondered how many weddings had already been scheduled there and all of the people who had been impacted by this temple, and how great of a blessing this temple is to our community-- that the parking situation every time we visit is evidence to that fact. I started to share these thoughts with Alina when a wave of emotion passed through me, and my voice caught in my throat. This response felt powerful, and surprising, to me. In that moment I knew that what I was sharing with her was true, and I felt a profound reverence for the temple, and tears of gratitude. My heart felt full.
Our visit to the temple felt sacred and I felt the spirit. As we walked and viewed, and I pondered, my mind kept feeling “staying power” impressed upon it. I felt the gravity and weight of those words in my bones. I scanned the intricate craftsmanship and the front elevation of the temple and I kept sensing those words in my mind.
Temples are the only institutions in the world which provide staying power for our souls: they are anchors. They keep us tied to our fullest potential and the most beautiful pieces of our souls. I feel grounded there. When we incorporate God’s temples into our lives there is security in our families and peace in our homes because there is honor and cleanliness in our hearts. We are reminded of who we are and our greatest purpose here. I don’t mean to be presumptuous in speaking for others, I just know that this is a common experience for those who come to the temple. On a personal note, I came away with a deeper feeling of love in my heart because of the spirit I felt there. And I was gently reminded that everything is going to be O.K. and that I need to trust God’s plan. As I faithfully walk the path He has prepared for me by keeping the sacred promises I made to Him, I will find deeply embedded in my heart the power to stay with Him.
I felt to weep throughout our wanderings in the temple grounds today. I was so touched. God’s love is real, and freely given. I felt impregnable to doubts and insecurities, and I wasn’t even inside His sacred house on this occasion (because I had my children with me); I was only on the grounds. No other thing in this world has brought me such peace and security. I feel like I know my future best and I feel most confident in myself when I am in His house. I feel that I sense who I am to Him, and a renewal of faith in all that He has promised me and asked me to do. Which meant so much to me today. Recently I have begun to doubt myself and my abilities in school and supporting my family, and those stresses are impacting my ability to connect with Alina and Kelton well. I should say fears rather than stresses, although they do feel stressful too.
Today I felt my concerns give way to hope and belief. I realized I can’t give up. God is with me and everything is going to work out in the end.Addendum added May 22, 2016
Today in Relief Society we read "Be An Example And A Light" by President Monson. It was the perfect summary of some of the feelings I held in my heart and the thoughts which came to my mind as I pondered the Church, and Christ's work. The gospel brings us light through a step by step process which increases over exposure and belief; this light is discernible in our countenance. I loved rereading this talk today- it affirmed to me what I felt while we walked the temple grounds yesterday. I am so grateful for the gospel, and the spirit of truth. I love our Father in Heaven and I am grateful for the plan He has for each of us.
